Crush is a fairytale
by DR asia
Summary: *COMPLETE* Sometimes, fairytales don't always end happily ever after....Slash. R&R!
1. Watching

This is a repost. I wasn't too happy with the previous one, so… 

Oh, this is also a dedication to all the poor souls who are having exams during this period and to my friends who really helped me on this fic. Good luck on the exams! I know I'll need it for tomorrow… Remember to R&R!

Crush is a fairytale

Watching  (1/3)

I grew up listening to tales of princes, dwarves, dark witches and wizards. I believed they are called fairytales in the muggle world. My mother recited them to me when I was a child. Many of these fairytales had happy conclusions, but in reality, they were just changed to suit the minds of children. The original versions were far more different and violent than the adults would like to admit to their children.

There was one fairytale in particular which fascinated me since young. I would often beg my mother to tell me the story every time it rains and I was not allowed to play outside. The gloomy weather suited the tragic ending of the story.

I did not know then, how similar the story would be to my teenage life at Hogwarts.

*************

            _Flashback_

_            "Now, remember to talk to people more. You need friends your own age, not the books you have been reading all the time."_

_            "Yes, Mother."_

_            "And remember to brush your teeth at least twice each day. And –"_

_            "Mother! You're going to make me late for the train!"_

_            "Is it time already? Well, just one more thing. Promise me that you'll take care of yourself at Hogwarts."_

_            "Don't worry about it."_

_            The two of them crossed the barrier and the platform came into their view.  The train was getting ready to leave and students of all types were saying goodbye to their parents. The first years were crying while their seniors waited impatiently for their parents to finish their yearly farewell before rushing off to join their friends._

_            "I'll see you during the Christmas break, Mother."_

_            "Oh, my child, at least owl me once you get used to Hogwarts."_

_            "Yes, Mother."_

_            The child turned and started to board the train. The mother turned too, ready to apparate home._

*************

            It was on the Hogwarts Express where I met him. We were around the same age, and he had a joyful smile on his face when I saw him. At first, I thought he was smiling at me, but I thought wrong as after a moment, his friends came up to greet him. He seemed to be more at ease with the new environment than I was.

            Having nothing to do, I observed him during the ride. My impression of him was that he was friendly; from the way he was talking to his friends. I hoped that he would be in my House, and then we could get to know each other. He looked like the sort of friends my mother was talking about earlier.

            To my sore disappointment, we did not end up in the same House. Our tables felt so far away from each other.

*************

            Like the fairytale I was so fond of since young, I fell for him as time passed by. I thought it was a brief crush, where I would forget in a few weeks' time when someone else sparks my interest. However, no one did. Instead, I continued to admire him from afar, too afraid to go up and introduce myself to him.

            Ever since I met him, all I could do was to watch him. I cannot decide if it was a good thing that he was not sorted into my House, if so I am sure I would just gawk at him whenever we were in the same room.

            I admit that I used to create fantasies where he came to ask me out. But no daydreaming prepared me for the day he did ask me. He must have noticed all that staring during our Hogwarts years.

*************

            _Flashback_

_            I had just finished dinner and was about to go back to my dormitory when someone stopped me._

_            "Hey." A voice to my right said as I exited from the Great Hall. I looked around and saw him, leaning against the wall. My heart unconsciously thumped faster. Who was he with?_

_            "Yes, I'm talking to you. There is no one here but us." He continued. I looked around again and found that he was right. But what did he want from plain old me?_

_            "I noticed that you kept… looking at me. During classes. Are you interested in me or something?"_

_            "No! I…" I could not find the words to say. There I was, stammering when my crush finally noticed me among our schoolmates. I must have looked like a fool that evening._

_            "Relax, I'm not going to eat you up. I just want to get to know you. That's all."_

_            How could I refuse?_

_*************_

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	2. Touching

Thanks to the 2 kind reviewers! Oh, and Elektra, if you're still reading this, I didn't put the word _flashback_ this time. ^_^

Caution to readers: This part is rather fluffy, the next part is where all the angst happen… and where I reveal who were the characters and such.

Have fun and remember to R&R!

Crush is a fairytale

Touching (2/3)

            The first few weeks were spent in awkwardness. It was understandable, as we hardly knew each other. By and by, we slowly warmed up to the other's presence. It had been difficult, mind you, since we were in different Houses and could not afford to be seen intimately together. It was a time when the House rivalry had been at its peak. So, there were not many opportunities where we could meet alone. 

            But I loved every minute of it, the secrecy of the affair excited me, just like the sight of him before me. Knowing that when he was with me, the smile on his face was genuine, unlike my other friends. We had so much to tell each other then. How funny it seems that strangers felt it easier to bare their souls than with trusted friends.

*************

            _"Hi, sorry I'm late. One of the professors kept me back." He said when the door opened. The room used to be a storeroom, now only we use it. He claimed to have found it when he was exploring the castle. He and his friends were always sneaking around, trying to find secret passages to who-knows-where._

_            "Knowing you, it's probably that you had played a prank on someone again." I shook my head. "I don't get it. How can you score so well for exams when you keep goofing around in class?"_

_            He laughed, "Well, that's for me to know and for you to find out."_

_            I smiled, the feeling of that single muscle stretching my mouth felt more familiar as I spent more time with him. He was so cheerful all the time. Almost nothing could take that smile away from him. It was so infectious, the way his eyes lit up; it would make you to smile too._

_            "Don't just stand there. Come here and sit besides me." I petted the soft cushion we had sneaked up from our common rooms. Our little haven was quite bare when we first used it, now cushions, blankets and even a little stash of Butterbeer littered the place. Whenever I felt a little down, I would come here to vent my feelings._

_            He went to his usual seat and accepted the Butterbeer I held in my other hand. For a while, there was nothing but the sound of swallowing liquid. When he was done, he leaned back with a moan._

_            "That feels good."_

_            I agreed with him, leaning backwards to the wall behind us. "Butterbeer can do that with anyone. You know…"_

_            "Yes?" He turned his head slightly to watch me._

_            "Being here with you makes me feel safe." I bit my lips as soon as the words came out of my mouth. There, I had said it. The feeling I had when we first gotten together as friends. What would he do now? Not laugh at such a corny statement, I hope. As the seconds passed, I began to curse myself. Why did I have to go and say something so stupid? Now, he would probably excuse himself, like the polite boy he was, and put as much distance as he could between him and me._

_            I was about to blame the Butterbeer for encouraging me when I felt him lifted my head up to meet his eyes. I must have lowered my eyes in fear of what I would have seen in them. But there was nothing except warmth. Our smiles grew as both of us found what we were searching for in the other's eyes. Windows to the souls, they really show what could not be said with words. It seemed so natural that I would lean against him that moment and he to stroke my hair._

_            I closed my eyes, savouring the happiness that was beginning to fill up every part of me. We had abandoned the previous rung to climb up the next unknown step of the ladder._

*************

Something had changed between us that day. We still behaved the same around each other, but there would be a feeling of more. Something else we could have done when we were together. Dancing around each other, always waiting for the other party to make the first move that signals the start of something new. It was a new prospect where we were not certain of its outcome.

            I guessed that we were tired of waiting for something to happen. One Hogsmead weekend, we arranged to meet in our room. To talk. Of course, we went straight to the physical part of it.

            No words could express this feeling; mere actions were enough. How true. Being unexperienced, we discovered things together, fumble and soar together. First time became second, third, fourth and so on. Like any other couples, we could not get enough of each other. The room became our sanctuary for almost every night since then. Bliss, I dreamily thought when we were at the height of our relationship.

*************

_            We were snuggled up to each other, covered by the warm blankets. I let out a happy sigh, my head resting on his shoulder. We had gone out for almost three months now._

_            "How I wish that we could just stay here and never leave." I muttered to the ceiling._

_            "Silly, you know that it can't happen. People will come looking for us." He said back to the ceiling as if it had said the words._

_            "I know that, unfortunately. That's why I said 'I wish'."_

_            "You and your wishes." He was smiling. "Come on, it's getting late. Let's get back before anyone misses us."_

_            "You mean, before anyone misses you. I don't exactly have friends who would risk their lives to look for me." I replied while putting on my clothes._

_            "I'd die for you. See you tomorrow, here?"_

_            "Fine with me." I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. We checked if there was anyone outside the door. No one was. So, we opened the door and went our separate ways._

_            "'Night."_

_            "Sweet dreams."_

_            I was right; everyone was sleeping and snoring away when I reached the dorm. I undressed and crawled under the covers._

_            "Love you." I whispered as if he was right beside me in our room and surrendered myself to the Sand Man.  _


	3. Leaving

First, I would like to say that the quote "If you want to leave, you can go." came from one of my teachers. Of course, the circumstances was entirely different, but I couldn't resisted using it… ^_^

Then, there's always this issue of not getting a _single _review for the last chapter…::hinthint::

And the formatting is a bit weird…sorry!

Enjoy!

Crush is a fairytale

Leaving or Happily Ever After doesn't exist in my life (3/3)

"I just wanted to stay with you 

_I just wanted to feel your breath of grace_

_I didn't know what to do_

_I couldn't say anything_

_When consciousness returned_

_Everything had been washed away_

_By the tide of time, even you_

_But the scars of memory never fade away_

_I can't stop loving you_

_Stop my tears_

_Stop my loving_

_Kill my memories"_

_            —Silent Jealousy, X Japan _

            You thought that I have forgotten about the fairytale, didn't you? Well, let me tell you this: all good things will end. It was inevitable, in both the story and mine. The princess of the sea had sacrificed so much, her voice and tail, to be with the human prince. I gave up part of my loyalty to my House and don't even care that I might be seen with a guy to be with him. We were both so blinded by love that we believed that it would last forever.

            Coincidently, both of our relationships ended with the invasion of a third-party. Hers was the same witch who gave her legs. She had seduced the prince and even ended up marrying him. Mad with grief, the mermaid disappeared into the foams of the ocean. Mine was a girl who was in his house. I don't even know anything about her until he mentioned her to me.

            The first signs that something was changing surfaced when we came back from our summer break. He began to act nervous around me, giving excuses to postpone our nightly trips to our room. I am not as thick-headed as you think; I knew something was wrong. I just didn't want to admit it. Besides, we were starting to prepare for our NEWTs, he could have been burning midnight oil all along and I had been over-reacting.

            How I wished that that was the truth.

*************

            _"If you want to leave, you can go." He pointed at the door._

_            He had finally told me the truth, the truth that I refused to acknowledge. He was in love with a girl. How could he, when he was supposed to be with me? I just can't make any sense out of it. People don't just stop loving one person one day and fall in love with another the next, right?_

_            Of course, I protested. I reminded him of what he had, the things we did and what we had scarified. Surely, he was not thinking clearly and would realise his mistake? But no, all my hopes went crushing down when he admitted that he had been thinking about it all through the summer. He claimed that what we had were just an infatuation, on the other hand, he love that Evans girl._

_            That did it. How dare he said that it was just a infatuation? I certainly didn't pine away for him since I entered Hogwarts all because of an infatuation. And who is that Evans girl anyway? Well, according to him, her name is Lily. And she's the most attractive girl in school. Yeah, right. Who does she think she is anyway?_

_            At first, I begged and pleaded for him to come back to me. It didn't work. I tried crying my lungs out, that didn't work either. I went to blackmail, threatening to tell the Headmaster everything we did. He just calmly pointed out that it would land me into hot soup as well. I couldn't think clearly anymore, I can't bear the thought of losing my one true love. I began to get angry, fury at him. How dare he play with me like that?_

_            I snapped; all I could see was glaring red. I began to curse him, telling him to get lost. I gave him everything I've got and this is how he treat me? Like a toy, cast aside once its owner gets tire of it? With these thoughts in my head, I uttered the most untrue words of my life, "I hate you. I wish that I had never known you in the first place. Fine, go to your sweet and loving_ girlfriend. _You can both die for all I care."_

            _That was when he said those words. "If you want to leave, you can go." It was an open invitation to walk out of the door and our relationship.                                                        I took it. With a final glare at him, I slammed the door hard, leaving him behind. Alone._

*************

            I knew that I had acted harshly that day. I couldn't focus on my thoughts well for the next few days. But after that, when the haze settled down and my mind was a bit clearer, the truth hit me like a Bludger to my head.

            What was I thinking? Walking out like that. I should have stayed and reasoned with him, not scream and shout at him. I began to regret my actions. I didn't want to lose him just like that, but I did it all on my own. What a fool I had been. He's gone, out of my life forever and I couldn't do anything about it.

            I tried, I tired to speak to him, to apologise, but he won't see me. I used to know his body language, but even that knowledge deserted me. Every time I saw him in public, he was always with his friends or that girl. I know who she was now; she was the one who always get top marks in Charms. Lily Evans, reddish hair, bright green eyes with a charming personality who wouldn't like her? Still, I couldn't help feeling jealous of her whenever I saw him with her, the prefect couple at Hogwarts. I wonder if he had told her of our relationship, but she appeared not to know me.

            Maybe he thought that I was just a dirty little secret that shouldn't be revealed to others.

*************

            I gave up. Whoever said that if you love someone, you would want that person to be happy, even if the choice of a lover wasn't you, was right. They looked so happy together. Call me weak-willed, anything. If he's happy with that girl, then I'll give them the blessing that he wanted from me the day we broke up. My only other consolation was that I had found him first, make him mine and was his everything for some months.

            I became engrossed in my studies in a bid to forget about the heartache. Soon, I found myself quite skilful on Potions and went on to improve my skills. I discovered that making potions helped calm my mind. My professor noticed my talent and began to tutor me in making other advanced potions.

            But no matter how interested in studying I became, I was still forced to see the prefect and happy couple of the year in class and during meals. Hurt stabbed at my heart repeatedly. I was supposed to be happy for him, but the hurt still hadn't left me.

            Slowly, I lost interest in people, and made the Potions Classroom my sanctuary. I also lost interest in my appearance, after all, there's no one left for me to impress. The one that I once loved pretended that the past months had never existed.

Just a mistake, he would probably think.

            Then one day, my life almost ended.

*************

_            One of his friends apparently thought that I needed to get my head out of Potions books more often as he told me that I would find something very interesting during the full moon. I went, curiosity being the blame for this._

_            What I had found could have killed me. Either that or have me for its dinner. I didn't know that the school had hidden such a dangerous creature amidst the students. They were supposed to protect me, not include an uncontrolled beast among us!_

_            Of course, he had to play the ever-brave hero and saved me from a gruesome death._

_            "Are you out of your mind?" He screamed at his friend. "He could have been killed!"_

_            "Now, calm down. It wasn't that bad. He didn't get bitten or anything."_

            "You're mad!" 

_            Both of them continued in this fashion while I laid on the ground, paralysed in shock. My heart pounding in my ears as I thought, was he in the joke too? I remembered that he had always like to play pranks on others but I had never thought that he would go this far. If I had gone any further, I would have died!_

_            Did he even care?_

*************

            After that, my feelings towards him changed completely. Even if he wasn't to blame for the deadly joke, I'd still hate him. I hate him. I hate knowing that he existed in the first place, that he had given me some of my happiest moments in life and then throw them back in my face and that his friends had used my life as a joke.

            My hatred for him grew and I resorted to studying Dark Arts. Revenge, I guess. I didn't care about anything in the end, I had nothing to lose. That was my second mistake in life, but I soon corrected that.

            That's how I ended up here, teaching a bunch of foolish children. Teaching you.

            You'll never left me like what your father did, would you, Harry?

*************

End 

The ending just came out this way…so…::shrugs::

Remember to R&R!


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